there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
