I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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