I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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