Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
