would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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