On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
