you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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