didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
