"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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