Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
