I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize