My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
