dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Mom said you looked used
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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