the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
