So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
