Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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