That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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