I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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