I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
