What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
