Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
