Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
