Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
