Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
