How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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