my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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