so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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