Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
