Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize