Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
