i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
