I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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