we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sext me about skeletons
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
