I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
