Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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