U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
