I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
