The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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