My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
