your room smells of hookers.
And success
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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