I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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