xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Randomize
