I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
