Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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