SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
