Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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