ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
