Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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