I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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