Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
