Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
