When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
