Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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