If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
