You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
