Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
