I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Please, let me fuck your mom
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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