hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
