I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
