god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
