ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I deserve this hangover.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
