It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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