oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
