I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
