no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
