Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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