I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
