yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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