Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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