I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
